Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Prophet Harold Camping Explains

The Prophet Harold Camping released a statement yesterday explaining why the secret Rapture did not occur as he predicted. Here it is:

Okay, so that wasn't his real statement, but it's no less ridiculous than the statement he did make yesterday, which you can read about here and here

And you thought the fact that the Rapture didn't occur a few days ago proved that Camping was wrong.  Silly people.  He was absolutely right.  It did occur, just not in the manner he predicted it would.  God decided to call an audible.  Instead of secretly zapping all believers in Christ Camping out of this world at 6:00 p.m. on May 21, a "spiritual judgment" took place at precisely that time.  You can't blame Camping for God changing His mind at the last minute.  It's not his fault that God decided to go in a different direction.  But, the dates were correct, that much we know for sure.  And, since those dates are correct, we know with absolute certainty that the date for the final destruction of this world and ultimate return of Christ is October 21.  This actually shows the mercy of God, since His original plan was to secretly Rapture all believers on May 21 and then have five months of "hell on earth" for those "left behind" until the apocalypse came on October 21.  That was going to be really, really bad, like slowly removing a large band-aid from a hairy arm.  But, now, in His mercy, God has decided to just leave that band-aid on and rip it off quickly on October 21, so that the world and all unbelievers will be instantaneously annihilated on that day.  Much better for all involved, really. 

So, what to do until October 21?  Shall we preach the Good News about Jesus Christ in the hope that many will be saved from the coming destruction?  Well, no.  That's quite impossible now.  The "spiritual judgment" took place a few days ago.  The fate of all was sealed on May 21 at 6:00 p.m.  There is no longer any need to preach or to warn the world.  So, please, do not waste your money on putting up billboards or painting your vehicles with the date of October 21 on them.  It's all unnecessary now.  The deed is done.  And, for those of you who spent your life's savings on those May 21 billboards, good job.  That was a wonderful and faithful investment and God will reward you for sounding the trumpet of warning before the final "spiritual judgment" took place.  And, besides, you only have five more months, so it's not like you needed that savings anyway.  Just hang in there until October 21.  It will all be over then.  Trust me. 

Enjoy your last five months, everyone!  

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